This posts starts from the comment from Carol on For Susie #226

Sounds like the exam is over – hop to it!

Carol, can’t tell you how much I appreciate the accountability.  I can tell you it has been a really rough month.  In a matter of about 4 weeks I faced the national and state exams, the start of the swim season, and my wife being diagnosed with Breast Cancer (Surgery was Monday). 

I say this not to gain sympathy, but to say, sometimes life really does get in the way.  Like a frickn’ Mack Truck.  Not much you can do, just put one foot in front of the other.  The one thing you can do, is watch how you react to things.  In the beginning I was juggling things well.  Here in the last week and a half, (leading up to Angie’s surgery), I have fallen back into some old eating habits and haven’t been getting near enough excercise. 

I walked through the supermarket this morning in a daze, after a fairly sleepless night.  At first I was walking around in a daze, then I kind of came to my senses.  I realized, I am tired, but I am using the events of the last month to drag me back into my old habits…the place where I would find some of my ‘comforts’. 

I thought about your accountabilty.  Even though I may want it to, time doesn’t stop, and is very unforgiving, especially if I abuse it by shoving the wrong things in my mouth and under utilizing  the spare time I have to exercise my body.

Thank you for your comment.  It came at a rough time, and is very, very well needed.  I am going to get as much sleep as I can tonight, and head back to the gym tomorrow in the early a.m. 

Well Ms. Patterson, Thank you!  You are correct it has been 11 days since my last post.  A lot  has been happening, and there really is no excuse for me not to A.) Exercise and B.) Post!  However, I am a bit overwhelmed with my schedule and the biggest culprit is the series of exams that I must take for my licensing.  Man…everything is about timing isn’t it.  I take my State exam this morning.  Flew through my national exam last week and haven’t had a lot of dedicated time to spend on the state…I am a bit nervous about it this morning.  So come hell or high water, I will be at the gym tomorrow morning, instead of pulling an early morning study session as it is the only free time I can find right now.  -If I don’t pass, I will take it again in about 30 days…and have a much more relaxed pace of study.

D-day for Angie’s surgery is still scheduled for next Monday, so I know it is going to be critical for me to be back onto my ‘game’ for my physical health the rest of this week.  I did see my primary care physician last week and he wants me to have an ultra sound and blood work done on my liver…kind of funny, I may have a ‘fatty’ liver.  -NO SHIT!  I am working at dumping the fat…guess it is not fast enough for all the effects of my weight to go away just yet.

Anyhow, thanks for the accountability.  I walked around the pool during practice last week for 4 days and I ‘ran’ the stairs at work a couple of days (whenever I would go upstairs, I would run up, not walk, or go up two by two’s).   Not a  lot of exercise compared to what I have been doing…but still moving with the time that I got.

State exam in 3 hours…that is all for now.

This is a very, very short and quick post.  Rousted myself up at 4:20.  Got the kitchen cleaned quick and headed for a quick hour fifteen session.  Holy Crap…could have thrown cars at me and I would have crushed them.  I actually ran for the first time since the 1/2 marathon.  Not talking about jogging either, I RAN!!!  It felt great!  The quad twinged a bit, and the calf that I was fearful was going to be a long term injury held up great.  Warmed up on the bike, ran, did my ‘ab complex’ and finished throwing around some heavier weight for about 15 minutes.   I think it was the resistance work that really kicked up the endorphins, feel like I could climb Everest right now.  I LOVE THIS FEELING…!!!!

There I said it…I didn’t say, F*#& my Peeps, I am saying F*#& Peeps the Easter candy…and all the other special occasion candy that hangs around my house and around all the ‘loving’ people at the office.  I caught myself having a couple of M&M’s just a moment ago…Jen our receptionist kicked them down to me…I had two…then she offered me three more.  I said a firm NO.  -Why? She asked?  I didn’t have the heart to say, well, I had about 4 pink & purple candy corns and about 1/2 a dozen Cadburry Mini Eggs so far today! 

What is awful is that I know the brand, where they are located in the office and how many I have had in any given day.  It is bad enough that there is a candy dish at the front desk, but with Easter at the end of this week, the candy is floating around aplenty.  I am fairly self disciplined, but damn with all this candy around it’s easy to pick it up and shove it in.  I made a decision in that moment.  It was F*#& the candy, I don’t need it…we’ll see how long it lasts.

Got an 1 1/2 hour session in yesterday at 4:30 a.m.  Hit the bike and treadmill for a combined 10 miles, then did another 40 minutes of abs and modified yoga.  Missed this morning (couldn’t get to sleep last night-crap on my mnd), and will get in 1 to 2 hours tonight.

Ok, you’re reading this, so I am recruiting your help!  If you read this blog and have a remote interest in it, I am giving you permission to bust my balls if I am not posting regularly.  I have been letting life get in the way over the last few of weeks.  There was the week that lead up to the ½ marathon, then I was sore and hurting quite a bit the week after.   

Last week, I found out my wife has breast cancer.  I am not going here for the sympathy plea; I am speaking about it because it really threw me off.  I am sure that it would throw anyone off.  It is obviously news that you never want or expect to hear, wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.   After a very long week and a very difficult 45^th Birthday last Thursday, I realized over the weekend that I am allowing life to get in the way of my goal that I set back in December.  Now more than ever I need to be on my game.  It is going to get difficult in the next few weeks, not only because of her surgery and suspected treatment after; but I am on the pool deck 5 days a week beginning next Monday evening. 

 When I look back at the day I decided that I was going to run the half marathon there was a part of me that doubted my own decision.  It wasn’t there at the time I made the decision, however the doubt would show up at the most inopportune times.  Getting ready for and completing the half marathon was therapeutic on a lot of different levels. Every time I was dealing with it, I got stronger.   Battling the self doubt on a very tangible level made it real and palpable; it allowed me to deal with it in the here and now instead of some afterthought.   I can’t express how pleased I am that I got through it, because it reaffirmed for me that I can do  anything I set my mind to.  Somewhere over the last 15 years I saw my confidence fade.  First with my physical self and more recently troubles with my love life and marriage, and then my industry going to shit.  I really don’t get into self pity and am not going here right now; I think I just got worn down and things weren’t getting any easier.  Getting thorough the half marathon more than renewed my self confidence; I feel like I can ‘slay dragons’ again! 

 I have heard the expression, everything happens for a reason…call it divine intervention, karma, or destiny, I firmly believe that everything has happened over the last 3 months, somehow fell into place to prepare me for the next year or so.

 Moving forward my only problem is the day to day stuff.  When I allow it to get in my way.  –Don’t get me wrong, I am not some calloused asshole who is rejecting what is happening with Angie or worse yet in denial.  I just know that now, more than ever, I need to keep this ‘journey’ for myself.  So be you family, friend, colleague or just a reader who has stumbled onto my blog…help me out…I will probably need a good kick in the ass over the next few months.  And I don’t mean ‘gee you’re doing great’.  I am talking about ACCOUNTABILITY….something like, ‘Hey fat ass, nice blog…how was that workout today?’…I can tell you I will appreciate it as much as any encouragement you may offer…actually, I do appreciate the encouragement…

I realized I hadn’t made a post about the 1/2 marathon until today.  It was awesome!  I did not realize what Shamrockn’ meant!  Along the course there are live bands playing as you run.  Just when I would get a bit tired, I would being to hear music and it would charge me up.  It was great.  The course was nice, almost 100% flat.  I only had one mishap.  About 8.5 miles, one of the women from my training group was still with me.  We saw the 11 mile sign on the other side of the street we were running on (there was two way runner traffic on the closed street).  I made a joking comment about jumping over to the other side and calling it 11 miles ran.  She said that we were close to the 11 mile mark, she had run the course last year and we had just passed the 10 mile mark.  In the distance one could see runners crossing over some sort of overpass.  I believed her!  I didn’t have anything to judge it against and thought to myself…man that was easy to get the mileage in, (didn’t hurt that I had missed earlier mile marker signs and didn’t realize until I saw the next marker)  Well, the runners that were going over an ’over pass’ were up on a levy road.  As I mentioned,  when she said this it was about 8.5 miles, because the next marker I saw was 9 miles.  The bitch!  I got it in my head that I had conquered mile 9 easily.  When I saw that sign, it was like I had to run it all over again.  That was about the longest mile of my life (so far).  I wouldn’t quite say it was me hitting ‘the wall’  more like I was ‘played’.  I finished the race according to my watch, at 2:58:33.  The official time according to the race timer was 3:00:52.  -Not bad considering a look back to my first posts in December.  This currently puts my mile at 13:40 or so.  I have to be able to make 26.2 miles, running them at a 13:44 pace to finish the CIM on December 5.  I think I am on my way! 

I took 3 days off to allow my body to recover from the 13.1 miles.  They were relaxing in a painful kind of way.  I have been sore in the past, but this was a soreness I haven’t ever quite experience, kind of like layers.  Just when I thought I was through most of it, my left calf  has severely tied up; I think because I was hobbling so much on my right leg earlier this week. 

I dusted myself off yesterday with a Yoga class.  I probably shouldn’t call it Yoga, more like Steve attended Yoga class to sound like some type of dying animal…I thought I had done a pretty good job of stretching after the run and the last few days… class yesterday proved that I had just scratched the surface.  I was caught off guard at muscle groups that were still fatigued, there were positions that I would just laugh as certain muscle groups would not support the rest of my body.  Had this been my first time at Yoga, I would have been incredibly discouraged.  Most of the class was laughing along with me and my pain…

I am going swim this evening and do some resistance work.  I was planning on hitting things hard again by Wednesday, however, my mind is ever so humbly listening to the rest of my body, and I will ease back into it.  I will be back to daily workouts and postings, additionally, I am going to get back to a strict diet and caloric intake routine.

It is time for me to be sleeping and I am wound up like a top! 

I have written about my visions of grandeur only to be humbled at the training process over the last few months.  I have failed to write about vivid nightmares that had me wake up in a panic in the middle of the night, sure that I had snapped my leg off at my knee.  I have also pushed myself to exercise for durations of up to 2 ½ hours…something that hasn’t occurred for damn close to 20 years!  (I now understand the reality of pushing too hard and suffering the consequences as I have gotten older…a true reality I am facing tomorrow as my right hip and thigh are still very sore from last weekend.  Perhaps I peaked a week to early).  The one thing that has happened for certain is I know that I am back!  I am looking forward to really mixing up the workouts again for the next three weeks then juggling coaching while getting ready to participate in the Parkway Half Marathon in May.  I’m looking for a race then again in August.  September I will be swimming in the Alcatraz Invitational, and then I think I will do the Cow Town Half in October; with the final race, the CIM on December 5.  So in a way, tomorrow will be the end of training for the Shamrockn’ Half…but will be the beginning of a new year of chasing my dreams from days past –the ones I never have forgotten, just put on hold for a while…Yeah, I AM READY!

I left the office a bit early today, had to go by the kids school, so I was able to go out for a longer midweek run on the bike trail.  Suffered through 6.5 miles.  I am so glad that I pushed through it.  I finally broke loose a knot that has been in my right Quadricep since Saturday.  During the session the right leg continued to give me fits overall.  I began thinking about a conversation my Mom and I had about a month ago. 

I had noticed that I was struggling a bit on my right leg.    If you know me then you know that I had the boating accident when I was 12, what you didn’t know is that the long term effect is that the leg is about 1/2 inch shorter.  About two years ago, I had an orthotic made that has a lift in it.  I was talking about it with my Mom and she said, “Start wearing it”.  My response was…sure after the 1/2 marathon.  Sometime during my workout tonight, it occurred to me, I feel lopsided!  I got home and put the insert in my shoe, walked around and had immediate relief!!!!

Boo Yaa!  I hope that my hard headedness didn’t break too late, I am thinking that Sunday will be much less painful, and am still a bit scared that changing this up so close could screw me up.  I am going to pay close attention to the leg and its creaks and groans over the next couple of days and then make the decision if I will wear the insert during the half.  -Had I listened to my Mom a month ago, I wouldn’t be faced with this last second decision.

Planning on a swim tomorrow morning and then Yoga tomorrow night, plus one phone call to my Mom to thank her for taking care of me once again.

I got on a good roll last week and was posting regularly.  Last Thursday I did Yoga with the office.  It is always great to be the only dude around a lot of great women.  I am finding that I am looking forward to Thursdays! 

Took Friday off to let my body rest for Saturday.  Did 10 miles with the Runnin for Rhett group.  It was going really well for me, not so great for my running partner.  His last 2 miles was really tough; I am hoping that he is going to be able to muster the strength to get through the whole 13.1 miles.  I’m looking forward to this Saturday, we are pushing it out to 11 miles…I hope that it is raining like last weekend, makes it interesting in a very different way.

I took Sunday off only because immediately after the run on Saturday we headed up to Carson City to celebrate my daughters birthday with family and spent the night, getting back down Sunday only to head to another one of her friends birthday parties and get ready for the new week.

Did drop  6 pounds last week.  So with the 3 pounds I put on the week before, I am now down sitting right at the 295 mark.  Thinking that because all I can have is liquid right now, I will drop another 5 or so by next Monday…

Last, I have had an extended vacation from my runs and workouts.  I had a wisdom tooth taken out on Monday (wasn’t something that I had planned, otherwise I would have made sure I got in mileage on Sunday and Monday morning) and had to chill out for a couple of days.  So tonight I will ‘Walk’ 4 miles on the treadmill.  Tomorrow I will be able to go back to a regular day, so I will be skipping the Yoga for a 6-7 mile run/walk. 

I was quite surprised yesterday.  On Monday I felt fine after the dental work.  Got home, hung out on the couch.  Yesterday, I was so out of it…it was weird.  I wasn’t on any pain medication or anything.  I guess that I have been feeling so great that having the tooth out and the Novocaine was enough to ‘jack’ me for the day.  Glad it is over with!

Alright!  This is what I am talking about.  I can barely keep my eyes open to type this right now.  Didn’t get a chance to leave for the gym until after 6:40 or so…walked back in the door just under an hour ago.  I am whipped!  Did 6 miles on the treadmill.  Spent a bit of extra time warming up gave me an average of 14:17 minute miles. 

Have changed up the abs session based on what I read in the Abs Diet book.  He says the best way to do abs is to slow down and spend time on the reverse resistance.  So I have taken this to heart.  As I mentioned yesterday, I was sore in my ‘core’ area…based on tonight I am going to stuff some Motrin in my lunch bag tomorrow. 

Thanks to all who lent there support after yesterdays post.  I appreciate all of it and know that this is a permanent change.  I will freely admit that I am guilty of wanting instant gratification and want things to happen overnight.  I get to continue this ‘fight’ and the changes I have made are permanent!