Ok, you’re reading this, so I am recruiting your help! If you read this blog and have a remote interest in it, I am giving you permission to bust my balls if I am not posting regularly. I have been letting life get in the way over the last few of weeks. There was the week that lead up to the ½ marathon, then I was sore and hurting quite a bit the week after.
Last week, I found out my wife has breast cancer. I am not going here for the sympathy plea; I am speaking about it because it really threw me off. I am sure that it would throw anyone off. It is obviously news that you never want or expect to hear, wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. After a very long week and a very difficult 45th Birthday last Thursday, I realized over the weekend that I am allowing life to get in the way of my goal that I set back in December. Now more than ever I need to be on my game. It is going to get difficult in the next few weeks, not only because of her surgery and suspected treatment after; but I am on the pool deck 5 days a week beginning next Monday evening.
When I look back at the day I decided that I was going to run the half marathon there was a part of me that doubted my own decision. It wasn’t there at the time I made the decision, however the doubt would show up at the most inopportune times. Getting ready for and completing the half marathon was therapeutic on a lot of different levels. Every time I was dealing with it, I got stronger. Battling the self doubt on a very tangible level made it real and palpable; it allowed me to deal with it in the here and now instead of some afterthought. I can’t express how pleased I am that I got through it, because it reaffirmed for me that I can do anything I set my mind to. Somewhere over the last 15 years I saw my confidence fade. First with my physical self and more recently troubles with my love life and marriage, and then my industry going to shit. I really don’t get into self pity and am not going here right now; I think I just got worn down and things weren’t getting any easier. Getting thorough the half marathon more than renewed my self confidence; I feel like I can ‘slay dragons’ again!
I have heard the expression, everything happens for a reason…call it divine intervention, karma, or destiny, I firmly believe that everything has happened over the last 3 months, somehow fell into place to prepare me for the next year or so.
Moving forward my only problem is the day to day stuff. When I allow it to get in my way. –Don’t get me wrong, I am not some calloused asshole who is rejecting what is happening with Angie or worse yet in denial. I just know that now, more than ever, I need to keep this ‘journey’ for myself. So be you family, friend, colleague or just a reader who has stumbled onto my blog…help me out…I will probably need a good kick in the ass over the next few months. And I don’t mean ‘gee you’re doing great’. I am talking about ACCOUNTABILITY….something like, ‘Hey fat ass, nice blog…how was that workout today?’…I can tell you I will appreciate it as much as any encouragement you may offer…actually, I do appreciate the encouragement…
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Check your messages – I did just what you’re asking for about an hour ago! Hopefully I was nicer than what you are giving us permission to do…..
Steve, So sorry to hear about your wife. I wish her all the best for a full recovery. You are right. This is your journey and you need to stay on the path, regardless of what stones are hurled at you along the way. If you believe in yourself, you’ll keep on going. Might get slow at times, but as long as you are making progress down the road, you are okay. You are doing this for your life. Everything does seem to happen for a reason. Often we don’t notice the reason until years later, but there always seems to be one. Quite possibly all these hurdles you are having are there to build you into a stronger character and remind you how precious your life is – and that you must do everything possible to live it to the fullest. We’ll be expecting weekly posts, so no stopping now!